Blended families

I am extremely grateful for my parents and the family I have. I also am grateful for the experiences I'm going to have with the family I am marrying in to. I get to marry into a family with divorce and step family members. I am learning new skills and seeing what I can do for others. I can see that I can help each family member and be helpful in family relationships. I can see the importance of easing into the family even as an in-law. I love watching and observing and learning. I can see where I need to improve in my relationships with my family of origin, with my in-laws, and with my new family unit.

"But mom!..."

If you've been in any kind of child development, family, or parenting class or even read a book related to any of this then you would be somewhat familiar with the different styles of parenting.  Autocratic (or authoritarian), permissive (or door mat), and active (or Authoritative).  But why would there be different styles of parenting?  Wouldn't it be ideal if everyone had active and basically democratic parents?  Authoritarian parenting has mostly come about from the monarchy governments.  People were told what to do so the only thing that made sense was to teach their children to do the same and to help them avoid trouble.  Democracy is a relatively new thing in the world but many people are picking up on that kind of parenting style.

Parents need to be good at what they do.  They need to help their children grow up in this world and teach them how to survive and thrive while being good people.  Parents need to teach courage, responsibility, respect, and cooperation.

$ $ $

So, money is important.  True.  But how important is it?  I think way too many people care way too much about money.  Money is to help us.  It is supposed to be something that is good and helpful and not a stress.  But when is this ever true?  The world seems controlled by money.  The family sometimes seems to be controlled by money.  I think that is one of the biggest problems today and something that stresses families and pulls them apart.  Money can be a constant worry.  Parents can worry whether they can afford children at all let alone all of the costs that soon come when they start school and when they start sports.  I want to be the kind of parent that helps their children learn the value of hard work and of earning money.  I want my children to know how to save and use their money appropriately.  If they can learn that then money won't be a controlling force in their marriages or their families.  It will be a good thing that will help them succeed like it should always be.

Stay at home mom- To be or not to be...

In class we just began discussing the chapter in our book called Work and Home.  Of course it talks about different family situations, dual earner homes, traditional, and so forth.  So we've been talking about the effects of having both parents work outside the home, the effects of day care, having the mom stay home- the list can go on and on.

I find it fascinating the way the world has changed and morphed.  My professor brought up a good point.  He said that until approximately the Industrial Revolution (and other Revolutions really) work was not seen as this little subcategory of life.  It was life.  And your family did everything right along side of you and helped along the way.  Housework was just as important as other work being done- such as farming and hunting.  The homemakers did so much and they were seen as crucial pieces to the family puzzle.

I think the world today undermines what's going on in the home or what should be going on.  My personal opinion is that the wives should become stay at home moms and be there for their children all of the time.  Not just in the afternoons or weekends.  No.  All the time.  I also think that fathers should not become workaholics.  Their role in helping nurture their children and helping them develop appropriately is critical.  A father needs to be in the home as well.

I think that if the mom does stay home life can go better.  Things can be more organized and can be more routine and not rushed.  I think it can be a better environment for children to grow up in and this is the kind of home I want for my children.

It's a CRISIS!!!

Crisis- is it a good thing or a bad thing?  Think of a crisis in your life.  Did you learn anything from it?  Was it a valuable lesson?  I mean seriously think about this crisis.  The good, the bad, the ugly.
Crises are inevitable.  They're going to happen anyway so, in my opinion the best thing is to be as prepared as you can be.  There are many important lessons and things I learned in class this week but one of the most important (again, in my opinion) is that the perspective with which you look at things and look at crises is critical. There are a few things you can do to prepare for crises but many are unplanned and surprising.  But with the right perspective I think you can pull a lesson out of any crisis- no matter the difficulty.

An Affair to Remember

Don't you think all affairs would be remembered?  I just thought it was a dumb title of a movie but then again I've never seen the movie so I guess I should watch it before I judge.  Anyway, this week we talked a lot about affairs and what we can change in our habits, what we can do to prevent, and what we can avoid.  It's true that there is so much that we can do as soon as we start seriously dating someone that will lessen the chance of running into problems with relationships outside of marriage.  I found it all very useful and interesting but I think the thing that stuck out to me the most this week was that there are different forms of affairs.  There are emotional affairs, fantasy affairs, relationships, and sexual affairs.  There does not need to be sex for it to count as an affair.  I think emotional affairs are just as dangerous.  I think there is only so much love that we can give and if we start giving it to another person we have to take it away from somewhere and so usually we end up taking it away from our spouse.  This just causes things to get worse and we start a never ending cycle.  If we remain completely faithful to our spouse however, we won't have these problems and we can strengthen each other and grow.  The world should be rid of affairs if you ask me.  They're no good.  None whatsoever.

Let's get this party started!

Beginning a new family...  Yikes?  I think for a lot of people it is a super scary thing!  But I also think that it doesn't have to be that way for everyone.  In my class, we talked about creating a new family and the stresses that can come and the ways to deal with those stresses.  It is vitally important that the relationship between the husband and the wife is the number one priority.  People may think that it is more important to make sure the parents have a good relationship with the children but I disagree.  I'm not disagreeing in that the relationships involving the children aren't important.  I'm just saying you've got to keep the husband and wife relationship strong!  "The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother" (Theodore Hesburgh)