Blended families

I am extremely grateful for my parents and the family I have. I also am grateful for the experiences I'm going to have with the family I am marrying in to. I get to marry into a family with divorce and step family members. I am learning new skills and seeing what I can do for others. I can see that I can help each family member and be helpful in family relationships. I can see the importance of easing into the family even as an in-law. I love watching and observing and learning. I can see where I need to improve in my relationships with my family of origin, with my in-laws, and with my new family unit.

"But mom!..."

If you've been in any kind of child development, family, or parenting class or even read a book related to any of this then you would be somewhat familiar with the different styles of parenting.  Autocratic (or authoritarian), permissive (or door mat), and active (or Authoritative).  But why would there be different styles of parenting?  Wouldn't it be ideal if everyone had active and basically democratic parents?  Authoritarian parenting has mostly come about from the monarchy governments.  People were told what to do so the only thing that made sense was to teach their children to do the same and to help them avoid trouble.  Democracy is a relatively new thing in the world but many people are picking up on that kind of parenting style.

Parents need to be good at what they do.  They need to help their children grow up in this world and teach them how to survive and thrive while being good people.  Parents need to teach courage, responsibility, respect, and cooperation.

$ $ $

So, money is important.  True.  But how important is it?  I think way too many people care way too much about money.  Money is to help us.  It is supposed to be something that is good and helpful and not a stress.  But when is this ever true?  The world seems controlled by money.  The family sometimes seems to be controlled by money.  I think that is one of the biggest problems today and something that stresses families and pulls them apart.  Money can be a constant worry.  Parents can worry whether they can afford children at all let alone all of the costs that soon come when they start school and when they start sports.  I want to be the kind of parent that helps their children learn the value of hard work and of earning money.  I want my children to know how to save and use their money appropriately.  If they can learn that then money won't be a controlling force in their marriages or their families.  It will be a good thing that will help them succeed like it should always be.

Stay at home mom- To be or not to be...

In class we just began discussing the chapter in our book called Work and Home.  Of course it talks about different family situations, dual earner homes, traditional, and so forth.  So we've been talking about the effects of having both parents work outside the home, the effects of day care, having the mom stay home- the list can go on and on.

I find it fascinating the way the world has changed and morphed.  My professor brought up a good point.  He said that until approximately the Industrial Revolution (and other Revolutions really) work was not seen as this little subcategory of life.  It was life.  And your family did everything right along side of you and helped along the way.  Housework was just as important as other work being done- such as farming and hunting.  The homemakers did so much and they were seen as crucial pieces to the family puzzle.

I think the world today undermines what's going on in the home or what should be going on.  My personal opinion is that the wives should become stay at home moms and be there for their children all of the time.  Not just in the afternoons or weekends.  No.  All the time.  I also think that fathers should not become workaholics.  Their role in helping nurture their children and helping them develop appropriately is critical.  A father needs to be in the home as well.

I think that if the mom does stay home life can go better.  Things can be more organized and can be more routine and not rushed.  I think it can be a better environment for children to grow up in and this is the kind of home I want for my children.

It's a CRISIS!!!

Crisis- is it a good thing or a bad thing?  Think of a crisis in your life.  Did you learn anything from it?  Was it a valuable lesson?  I mean seriously think about this crisis.  The good, the bad, the ugly.
Crises are inevitable.  They're going to happen anyway so, in my opinion the best thing is to be as prepared as you can be.  There are many important lessons and things I learned in class this week but one of the most important (again, in my opinion) is that the perspective with which you look at things and look at crises is critical. There are a few things you can do to prepare for crises but many are unplanned and surprising.  But with the right perspective I think you can pull a lesson out of any crisis- no matter the difficulty.

An Affair to Remember

Don't you think all affairs would be remembered?  I just thought it was a dumb title of a movie but then again I've never seen the movie so I guess I should watch it before I judge.  Anyway, this week we talked a lot about affairs and what we can change in our habits, what we can do to prevent, and what we can avoid.  It's true that there is so much that we can do as soon as we start seriously dating someone that will lessen the chance of running into problems with relationships outside of marriage.  I found it all very useful and interesting but I think the thing that stuck out to me the most this week was that there are different forms of affairs.  There are emotional affairs, fantasy affairs, relationships, and sexual affairs.  There does not need to be sex for it to count as an affair.  I think emotional affairs are just as dangerous.  I think there is only so much love that we can give and if we start giving it to another person we have to take it away from somewhere and so usually we end up taking it away from our spouse.  This just causes things to get worse and we start a never ending cycle.  If we remain completely faithful to our spouse however, we won't have these problems and we can strengthen each other and grow.  The world should be rid of affairs if you ask me.  They're no good.  None whatsoever.

Let's get this party started!

Beginning a new family...  Yikes?  I think for a lot of people it is a super scary thing!  But I also think that it doesn't have to be that way for everyone.  In my class, we talked about creating a new family and the stresses that can come and the ways to deal with those stresses.  It is vitally important that the relationship between the husband and the wife is the number one priority.  People may think that it is more important to make sure the parents have a good relationship with the children but I disagree.  I'm not disagreeing in that the relationships involving the children aren't important.  I'm just saying you've got to keep the husband and wife relationship strong!  "The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother" (Theodore Hesburgh)

Mawaige is what bwings us togevwer today

First off, I love that we talk about finding a spouse and a life partner in a Family Relations class.  It truly is the foundation of a family.  There needs to be a mom and dad- mother and father- in order to create a family and in order to strive towards understanding the family.

With that being said it's obvious that I support marriage between a man and woman.  I still don't understand the whole cohabiting thing.  I mean, I can see the draw to being able to move in with the guy you love- I'm sure there are some perks for doing so.  But all of the data and statistics show that cohabiting is not beneficial!  Why can't people see the bad consequences that are produced from cohabiting.  For more details or facts on how cohabiting is not beneficial, leave a comment and I'll let you know.

Have you ever thought about why?

This week in our Family Relations class we've talked quite extensively about gender roles.  Yes they are out there and yes they are real.  We'll get to my opinion in a minute.  But have you ever wondered why men were given their specific roles and the traits they should cultivate and why the women were given their specific roles and traits to cultivate?  


Gloria Steinem said "We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters."


Well, to comment on that, I'm pretty sure boys and girls are different for a reason.  And I don't think we should be raising them exactly the same.  Yes there are aspects that should be fair and equal to both sons and daughters but we're different for a reason!  If we were meant to be the same and to do exactly the same things and have exactly the same roles we would be the same! But. We're. Not. 


So, why aren't we the same?  in The Family: A Proclamation to the World it states specifically that men and women "each have a divine nature and destiny."  I believe that men are supposed to be the protector, provider, and the one to preside because he has the priesthood. He has the power of God and therefore can bless his family.  The mother is complementary to that.  It's god's plan and it's right.  


With that being said- I believe that equality to an extent is definitely needed.  If you are going to hug your daughter then you best believe you should hug your son.  if you need to toughen up a child you need to make sure you give that same opportunity to the other children regardless of gender.  These are lessons that all people need to learn.  Sensitive men are not a bad thing.  If fact, my youngest brother is quite sensitive.  He has a gift.  He's able to be so compassionate and has a very kind heart.  And he's quite the ladies' man :)  Yeah he's getting into sports and guy stuff but he's still the tender hearted cute kid that can't hate anybody or anything.  Does that make him girly?  Heck no!  I do believe in gender roles but I see nothing wrong with developing traits from both genders.  

Does it really matter all that much?

Here's a question for you-  Do you worry about what other people think?  Think back to high school (or maybe you're there right now)- did you care what the football team or cheerleaders thought about you?  Were those even the cool kids?  How hard did you try to "fit in" or to be accepted?  In my opinion high school is just a microcosm for the reality that adults end up in.  Things really don't change.  There are plenty of people that will do anything just to be included in the upperclass group.  They'll change who they are, how they act, and what they wear.  It's the more material things that matter to them. But does it matter that much?

I do believe that the social class we are in can influence us.  I don't believe, however, that it should be the distinguishing factor of our character.  The "People Like Us" video clips (on YouTube) we were assigned to watch made me realize how important social class is to the world.  Should it be that way?  Can it be different?

I know that what social class we are in does impact our lives- every single one of us.  It is my hope though that we can lay that aside and fulfill our dreams, achieve our goals, and push the limits to what we are capable of regardless of where you were born and how much money your parents had.

Coming Home for the Weekend

So, honestly, in class this week we had some long and hard readings.  But I know that I did gain something out of them!  The class discussion helped in understanding what the readings were about though.  I gained a lot during the instruction and explanations from Brother Williams.  It was the most I've gained from one of my classes this semester (which I know it's only been 2 or 3 weeks into school but still).

I thought that the different relationship types were interesting.  And who would've thought I would use it so soon!  I came home this weekend for conference and all I can do is study my family members and see who has what kind of relationship with whom.  I look at different relationships in my extend family as well. It's almost like a hobby now :)

How do these trends effect you?

You might ask yourself  "What's going on in the world today?"  Well I will tell you.  Do you know how I know?  I'll tell you that too.  In our Family Relations class we talked about the trends happening in relationships today. There were nine areas covered in the Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy textbook by Robert H. and Jeanette C. Lauer.  Categories: 1. Premarital Sex, 2. Births to Unmarried Women, 3. Living Alone, 4. Cohabitation, 5. Delayed Marriage, 6. Birth Rates, 7. Household Size, 8. Employed Mothers, and 9. Divorce.

Pretty much for the most part the world is going downhill when it comes to the whole family thing.  That's what's happening in the world.   I think each and every child is entitled to a good and safe home with a loving mother and a loving father.  There is no reason good enough  to deny a child that.

If you would like anymore information about what the book had to say or my opinion on any of these leave a comment.